Breaking the silence around secondary infertility

I once heard a woman describe secondary infertility as, “the black sheep of the infertility world.” She had fallen pregnant naturally with her daughter within a couple of months. But when the time came to expand her family, and to give her a daughter a sibling, she faced infertility. Because she already had a child, she was often asked, “Why do you want another child? You already have one.” And then the guilt would set it. Yes, she already had a child. She knew how fortunate she was. Yes, she knew she had something thousands of women longed for. But did that make her selfish for wanting a second child?

If only it were that simple. She adored her daughter. She loved being a Mum so deeply that she longed to experience it again. She also wanted her daughter to have a sibling. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to conceive or carry a baby to term after previously giving birth without fertility issues. It can feel confusing and emotionally heavy, especially when the first pregnancy happened without trouble. But if you’re experiencing secondary infertility, there are options like IVF, sperm and egg donation, and surrogacy.

I was once read on Instagram, “Secondary infertility is isolating. It feels like you don’t belong anywhere.” That feels spot on. Unfortunately, there is a stigma around secondary infertility. Many women I’ve spoken to have struggled to fit into the infertility community and haven’t received the empathy or support they deserve. There’s sometimes this perception of secondary infertility that you should just be grateful for what you have.

There are many reasons secondary infertility can occur. Age is a key factor. For some couples, secondary infertility comes as a consequence of getting older. As women get older, egg quality and quantity decline, especially after thirty-five. A woman who conceived easily in her twenties, may find that after thirty-five, she has fewer good-quality eggs. Some of the other reasons may include ovulation issues such as PCOC, which can cause irregular or absent ovulation. Medical conditions or medications can also contribute to secondary infertility, such as thyroid issues, autoimmune conditions or treatments that affect hormones. And finally, sperm quality can also decline with age, even if the change is more gradual than egg quality.

As featured in Wish for a Baby Australia