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  • Writer's pictureKirsten McLennan

Baby Showers - To go or not go?

For anyone struggling with infertility, baby showers can be tough. Here's what I learned...

I know during our infertility, I dreaded baby showers. Being surrounded by excited squeals and endless reminders of the one thing I didn't have and yearned for. It was brutal.

With my good friends, I always went. Their baby showers were intimate, understated and beautiful. They would also check in with me, before and after, to make sure I was ok. But outside of close friends, I didn't go.

I often felt guilty and selfish - Why couldn't I just put my feelings aside and feel only happiness for them? Why did I often cry after? Why did I feel the sharp sting of jealously?

What I learned?

  • Your feelings are valid. You're going through something incredibly hard and emotional. It's OK to feel crap about baby showers. You're only human! It's OK to feel a mix of emotions - sadness, happiness, jealously...all are valid.

  • It's OK not to go! If you're not particularly close to the person, I doubt they'll miss you. And if you are close to them, as a good friend, they'll understand.

  • If you do go, have a plan in place. For me, that always meant:

    • Having a friend there to lean on / stay close to who knew what I was going through.

    • Traveling there by myself so that I could leave any time (or going with a good friend who would understand and be happy to leave when I needed to)

    • Having a good cry before and/or after if I needed to. Not having other plans on that day so I could have time and space afterwards to work through any emotions.

Infertility is hard. It's all consuming. It's a roller coaster of emotions. It's OK to put yourself first and do what you need to get through it. Your feelings are valid.


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