"You just need to relax"

Nothing that starts with “just” is ever good…

Infertility is a medical condition that affects millions of people worldwide. According to the World Health Organisation, infertility is a reproductive disease. Approximately 1 in 6 couples worldwide have infertility.

It can be incredibly painful, raw, and often lonely. And yet despite this, many people don’t understand what infertility is. And even worse, there’s still a stigma surrounding it. There absolutely needs to be greater awareness of what infertility is and how people can help those going through it.

During our infertility journey, I heard it all:

“You just need to relax” “You just need to think positive thoughts”

"You just need to stop trying"

"You just need to adopt" “You just need a holiday” Comments like these were always so upsetting and frustrating. Infertility is a reproductive disease. People would never make these comments about other medical conditions. Infertility should be no different.

“How can I best support you?”

For anyone who has a loved one with infertility, the best thing you can do is to recognise it’s a medical condition and to not offer any advice. Anyone going through infertility will get professional advice from the medical experts. You just need to be there for them, acknowledge their pain, and simply ask, “how can I best support you?”

My hope is that there comes a day soon though when people struggling with infertility will no longer suffer in silence and will no longer hear the words, “you just need to relax.”

World IVF Day with Kirsten McLennan

I was proud to speak with Kip&Co today on World IVF Day about my IVF journey.

It's great to see brands like Kip&Co raising some much needed awareness about infertility.

Today marks the first IVF baby, born on 25 July 1978. Since then, more than 8 million babies have been born through IVF. Thanks to IVF (and gestational surrogacy), we were blessed with our son Spencer in 2019.

To read the article, click here.

Our infertility journey begins

Thanks ivfbabble for sharing an extract from my debut book 'This is Infertility'.

Author and IVF Babble Ambassador Kirsten McLennan shares an extract from her book ‘This is Infertility’

An extract from Chapter 2 where Kirsten talks candidly about IVF and what it means to her.

There’s no sugar coating it, IVF is hard. It can be gruelling and demanding. It can take multiple cycles, sometimes years, for it to work. You often need to be in it for the long haul. “It’s a marathon, not a sprint,” one friend had warned me early on.

If you are one of the lucky ones, you’ll get success within one or two transfer cycles. But I doubt you’ll feel lucky at the time. Relieved maybe but not lucky. If you’re undertaking IVF, you have most likely fought infertility for a while. So, whether your treatment takes you a couple of months or several years, it can all be incredibly difficult.

Chances are most people know someone who is going through fertility treatment: a friend, family member or work colleague. Today, it’s estimated that one in six couples worldwide battle infertility. One in six! According to the World Health Organisation, “Infertility is a disease” and “…between 48 million couples and 186 million individuals have infertility globally”.

And yet, it’s often a silent heartbreak. Silence is perhaps one of the reasons that research has shown women dealing with infertility suffer high depression and anxiety levels. One study by Kristin L. Rooney and Alice D. Domar showed that infertile women experience psychological symptoms, such as depression and anxiety, at the same level as cancer and cardiac rehabilitation patients. The study concluded by calling women undergoing treatment “infertility survivors”.

Reflecting on my own experience and talking to others who have struggled with infertility, the findings don’t surprise me. The old truisms of, “the more you put in, the more you get out” and “the harder I work, the luckier I seem to get” just don’t apply.

I had always been taught that if you work hard for something, you’re more likely to get it. Hard work equals reward. Then along came infertility. It doesn’t matter how hard you ‘work’ at it. So much of it is outside your control.

Looking back, the only thing in my control was being my own advocate. During the second half of our journey, I realised the importance of speaking up and challenging specialists when I needed to. It was my body, after all. So, I started to make sure I was always prepared for appointments and brought a checklist of questions. Besides being prepared, I also think it’s important to get a second and third opinion if you feel you need it. I regret not advocating from the start but better late than never.

The other thing I always grappled with is that there are no guarantees. Fertility treatment only guarantees the chance of having a baby. Knowing this can often make it impossible to stay positive and continue treatment.

And finally, IVF is a roller coaster of emotions. You can feel despair, anger and guilt. You’re often bracing yourself for something to go wrong. I seemed to have a permanently clenched jaw during our treatment. Somewhere along the way, my dentist gave me a mouthguard to stop me grinding my teeth at night. It didn’t really work. But you can also feel optimistic and full of elation. You can experience highs of adrenalin. Whenever we received positive news, such as having a high egg collection cycle, I always had a rush of adrenalin. Because it was hope. And hope is so powerful. It’s intoxicating.

But excitement one week and dread the next—working through those contrasting emotions, often for years—is mentally and physically exhausting.

Order 'This is Infertility' here.