How We Built a Meaningful Surrogacy Relationship

Our son Spencer was born through gestational international surrogacy in the USA. This was after a six-year infertility journey. Due to my thin endometrium lining, we had several failed, and cancelled, IVF transfers and three pregnancy losses.

It was our second fertility specialist in Australia who told us that surrogacy was our best chance of having a baby. And while surrogacy was an amazing and life changing experience for us, when we were first told about surrogacy, I was overwhelmed. I had never met a surrogate or anyone who had had children through surrogacy, and I didn’t know what to expect.

It was a feeling that was short-lived. When we first skyped with our beautiful surrogate Leigha, we were put at ease right away. Within minutes, it felt like a chat with an old friend. We formed an immediate bond with Leigha and her husband Josh.

1. Setting expectations. The first time we met, via Skype, we talked openly about the kind of relationship we wanted. We all agreed we wanted a friendship and long-lasting relationship. For some people though, they chose to not have a relationship after the birth. While I think it’s more common to have one, especially with USA surrogacy, it’s important to make sure you’re all on the same page before you get started. Five years on, we continue to have a special and beautiful relationship with Leigha and her family.

2. Communication. The first time we spoke, we also talked about our expectations with communication. Fortunately, Leigha is an excellent communicator and so not a single day went by, without her sending me updates through WhatsApp or Macro Polo (videos). Communication was particularly important to us given we were doing international surrogacy (it’s a long way from Australia to USA!). We also agreed to Skype all the appointments and scans. This gave us reassurance and comfort and we felt very much involved with the pregnancy.   

3. Building a bond with our son during pregnancy. Early on, Leigha had a wonderful suggestion. She asked us to record an audio of ourselves reading a children’s story. She then played it to her pregnant belly, every day, so that Spencer would be familiar with our voices while in the womb. A simple yet very meaningful idea.

4. The birth. Another important thing to discuss is the birth and everyone’s expectations. We agreed we would be in the delivery room when Spencer was born (we also had adjoining rooms at the hospital); my husband Ryan would cut the umbilical cord; and I would have skin on skin contact first, followed by Ryan and then Leigha. There are different ways to approach the birth so it’s important to all agree upfront.

5. Documenting our journey. Once Spencer was born, the night before we flew home to Australia, Leigha gave us a beautiful gift, a scrapbook of our journey together. From the IVF transfer and positive pregnancy result through to Spencer’s birth, it was all in there. It is one of my most cherished gifts and I look forward to the day when we can walk Spencer through this special book, a testament to him. We also gave Leigha a gift; a necklace with Spencer’s initials engraved.   

Without surrogacy, we wouldn’t have our beautiful son. Without surrogacy, tens of thousands of people wouldn’t have their precious children.

Diary of a Birth, mamamia podcast

I was thrilled to chat to Mamamia recently about my IVF and surrogacy journey and the birth of our son Spencer.

You can listen to the full episode here.

Reposted from Mamamia:

After years of heartache, disappointment, and countless tears, Kirsten McLennan discovered her endometrial lining was too thin to nurture a pregnancy—a devastating revelation after multiple failed IVF attempts. When specialists suggested surrogacy might be her path to parenthood, Kirsten and her husband Ryan embarked on an emotional international journey filled with both crushing setbacks and beautiful moments of hope.

In today's touching episode, Kirsten vulnerably shares her difficult path to becoming a mother—from the moment when transported embryos went missing in Canada to when they finally connected with their surrogate Leigha in Utah, they found not just a carrier for their precious baby, but a compassionate friend who opened her heart and home to help create their miracle.

Kirsten reflects on the beautiful complexity of surrogacy—the profound joy of those first skin-to-skin moments with Spencer, the deep bond formed while living with Leigha's family, and the overwhelming emotions they all shared in the delivery room. 

Meet Jennifer Edmonds: Founder of Element Pilates & Yoga

*Originally published on Wish for a Baby Australia

You're a Mum through IVF, can you tell us briefly about your fertility journey? 

I started trying for a family when I was 33. After coming off birth control, my cycle never returned. I was told I'd gone through early menopause and if I wanted to have a family I'd need to do it ASAP and it was likely IVF would be my only option. Our first round of IVF was unsuccessful. Our second round resulted in 1 untested embryo, and amazingly this little miracle made it all the way. I gave birth to my daughter at the age of 36. We always planned on having 2 children, so when my daughter was a year old, we decided to go back to IVF. But before we had begun, something completely unexpected happened - my cycle returned!

We thought our second TTC journey would be so much easier, but unfortunately that wasn't the way it worked out.  After trying at home for 6 months, we went back to a fertility doctor who diagnosed me with a thyroid condition, we found my fallopian tubes were partially blocked & my AMH levels were close to zero.

We were referred back to IVF but sadly, again, it wasn't successful. This was early 2020 and soon after, we went into lockdown over Covid. Every fertility clinic closed down & we had no option to continue treatment.

A couple of months later, a friend of mine sent me a link to something called "fertility yoga." I was intrigued but didn't think it would make much difference. However, we were in lockdown, I had nothing else to do & I'd already tried everything, so I gave it a go. In July that year, I fell pregnant naturally. Sadly, we lost that baby at 8 weeks, but I was so blown away by what my yoga practice had allowed my body to do, so I decided to retrain as a yoga teacher. At the end of 2020, I fell pregnant again naturally and had my son at the age of 39. 

Can you tell us about Element Pilates & Yoga? And why did you start it? 

I started teaching Pilates in 2009 and then became a yoga teacher in 2020. I started this business as a way to support women struggling through fertility challenges, IVF and pregnancy loss. There is very little available for women in terms of exercise options when you're TTC so I love being able to support my students through safe & guided programs at each stage. I've now worked with hundreds of women from all around the world!

What are the top things you wish you had known before starting IVF? 

 I wish I'd known that it wasn't a guarantee of a baby - it felt like such a light at the end of a very dark tunnel, but it was much harder than I ever thought it would be. I thought the injections would scare me the most, but the emotional toll it took, the anxiety it created and a lot of the trauma of loss was far more difficult that any of the medications.

How can people get in touch with you? 

You can visit my website, chat with me over on Instagram, or download a copy of my Free Fertility Yoga Guide if you'd like to try some of the practices for yourself.