Surviving the Two-Week Wait: What Really Helps

When you’re in the thick of infertility treatment, it can feel like your life becomes one long stretch of waiting. First, you wait months just to see an IVF specialist. Then comes the endless fertility tests. Once testing is done, you start your IVF cycle medication and wait for your egg collection. After that, you wait for your embryos to be created. Finally, you have your embryo transfer. It’s waiting layered on waiting. And if you’ve been through the gut-wrenching experience of a miscarriage, there’s often another three-month wait before you’re physically – and emotionally – ready to try again.

But perhaps the hardest wait of all is the two-week wait.  

Also known as the TWW. The time between your embryo transfer and the day of your pregnancy blood test. Ask anyone going through IVF, and they’ll tell you how awful this time is. How it agonisingly crawls by. It’s impossible not to think about whether you’re pregnant. You want it so desperately that the thought consumes you. The anxiety can feel suffocating. And then there are the physical symptoms.

I remember early on in our IVF journey, I was convinced I felt pregnancy symptoms during my TWW. I had twinges I was sure were implantation. Then, two days before my pregnancy blood test, the nausea hit. I even dry-retched into the kitchen sink one morning. So when my blood test came back negative, I was shocked and devastated. What I didn’t realise, and what many IVF specialists don’t always explain, is that IVF medication, especially progesterone, can mimic pregnancy symptoms. A cruel trick. So the bloating and nausea I was experiencing was nothing more than my progesterone pessaries. As if the process wasn’t hard enough already.   

The TWW can be an intensely emotional time, fuelled by anxiety and amplified by medication that can cause mood swings and fake pregnancy symptoms. And you have the added burden of the medication causing mood swings and mimicking pregnancy symptoms. So how do you get through?

Here’s what helped me during my TWWs:

1.     It’s OK to not be OK. This period is incredibly hard. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, angry, emotional or upset. It’s OK to feel so many emotions and not be ok.  

2.     Don’t test early. This is a hard one. The temptation to take a home pregnancy test is huge. But false positives, and false negatives, are common. I learned this the hard way. After our second IVF transfer, I tested early and got a positive result. I was pregnant but my hCG was too low. I was told I would miscarry. It turned out to be a ‘pregnancy of an unknown location’. Given the pregnancy wasn’t viable, and it would have been dangerous if it continued, I had methotrexate to end my pregnancy. A devastating time. From then on, I always waited until the day of the blood test.

3.     Prioritise self-care. Self-care isn’t optional during the TWW – it’s essential. Do things that bring you comfort or distraction: binge a TV show, book a massage, or have a weekend away. I found going to the movies was the perfect escape. Whatever helps you feel good or takes your mind off the wait is worth doing.

4.     Skip baby showers and gender reveal parties. These are hard enough when you’re dealing with infertility but during the TWW, they can be unbearable. Give yourself permission to decline these events. Protect your emotional wellbeing.

5.     Counselling. If you’re seeing a therapist or a fertility coach, make sure you schedule a session or two during this time. Talking things through can make a huge difference.  

6.     Surround yourself with support. Similar to self-care, make sure you surround yourself with friends and family who support you and make you feel good. People who make you feel safe, understood and cared for. It can also be incredibly comforting to talk to someone else going through fertility treatment – someone who truly gets it. The online #TTC community is also a wonderfully supportive space.  

Common infertility misconceptions

Infertility is a reproductive disease – a medical condition that affects millions worldwide. And yet, it is often suffered in silence and widely misunderstood. While awareness has grown in recent years, there are still many misconceptions about infertility that persist.

Here’s some common infertility misconceptions.

1.     Infertility only happens as you age

There are many causes of infertility including endometriosis, male infertility, the endometrium lining and PCOS. While your egg reserve does decline with age, women of all ages can experience infertility.

When you first start your fertility journey, a specialist will test your AMH. The Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) blood test is the level of AMH in your blood and helps predict approximately how many eggs you have left. However many women can show a healthy egg reverse and still have difficulty conceiving. There can be many reasons for this. For example, it may be the endometrium lining. A thin endometrium lining isn’t due to your age; it’s often genetic and difficult to treat. For some women with a thin lining, the only option is gestational surrogacy.

2.     It’s mainly a female issue

Many people assume infertility is only a women’s issue, but that’s not true. Around 40% of infertility cases are due to male factors, 50% to female factors, and 10% is a combination of both. Despite this, stigma around male infertility remains strong, leaving many men feeling ashamed or isolated.

3.     Stress causes infertility

Anyone experiencing infertility has heard, “You just need to relax”, “Take a holiday” or “It will happen when you stop thinking about it.” Comments like these are hurtful and dismissive. If only falling pregnant was as simple as relaxing or taking a holiday. A lot more awareness is needed to debunk this myth. Stress reduction can support your wellbeing, but it does not treat infertility.

4.     Women can’t get pregnant after 35

While fertility does start to decrease with age, there is no sudden “fertility cliff” at 35. Declines become steeper around 38 and again at 40, but many women conceive naturally or with assistance beyond these ages. Options such as surrogacy, egg donation and sperm donation also expand pathways to parenthood. 

5.     You just need to be fit and healthy to conceive

Plenty of people conceive easily regardless of their health, while some of the fittest individuals struggle. Being in good physical and mental shape can help with resilience and overall wellbeing, but it does not guarantee fertility.

6.     Having a child means you won’t have any fertility issues in the future

Sadly, this isn’t true for everyone. About 1 in 10 women experience secondary infertility –

difficulty conceiving or carrying a pregnancy after previously having a child without issues.

7.     IVF guarantees a child

Sadly, this also isn’t true. While many people expect IVF to solve all fertility issues quickly, the reality is that it often takes several IVF transfers before achieving a viable pregnancy. IVF is an incredible tool, but it rarely works on the first attempt. Setting realistic expectations can make the journey more manageable.  

#article featured in Wish for a Baby Australia

Our surrogacy miscarriage

“I’m so sorry, but we’ve lost the baby”.

It was the most gut wrenching and devastating text message I had ever read. It was our third pregnancy loss, but this one was different. Because this loss was with our surrogate.

The author Zoe Clark-Coates once wrote, “When the pain radiates through your soul and your heart carries so much grief you wonder how it continues to beat, you know the loss has changed you forever.” Seven years on, the pain and grief linger. Anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss knows it’s a feeling that never fully leaves you.   

A surrogacy miscarriage

We had the added complexity of a surrogacy miscarriage. Yes, it was our baby, but I wasn’t the one who was pregnant. I wasn’t the one lying there with a probe over my belly while a nurse desperately searched for a heartbeat. And I wasn’t the one who had to endure a D&C.

Our obstetrician later told me how our surrogate, Leigha, was the only person he’s ever seen cry so hard as the general anaesthesia took effect. He held her hand tightly, and right up until the moment she fell asleep, she was sobbing.

International surrogacy

Of course, we wanted to grieve together, in person. But that’s one of the challenges of international surrogacy. We were on opposite sides of the world – us in Australia, Leigha in the USA. The best we could do was Skype.

We didn’t speak until the next day. Leigha had never experienced a pregnancy loss before, and she was devastated. Before we spoke, her husband Josh told us she was too scared to talk to us. She felt like she had let us down.

A miscarriage is not your fault   

Anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss knows it’s no one’s fault. It’s nothing you did or didn’t do.

A pregnancy loss is devastating

The morning after our miscarriage, we Skyped with Leigha and Josh. Leigha was distraught. She couldn’t stop crying – and neither could I. The first thing we made clear was that we didn’t blame her. She had carried that guilt for twenty-four hours, and I can only imagine how heavy that must have felt. The moment also made me realise the enormous commitment Leigha and her family were making for us.

Your IVF clinic team matters  

I was incredibly grateful for our IVF clinic, The Utah Fertility Center, and especially our nurse, Tonya. It’s during times like this that IVF clinics show you who they truly are.

Tonya worked tirelessly with Josh to organise everything for the D&C and to make sure Leigha was supported. She also spoke to me several times that day. At one point, I realised we had been talking for an hour – and it was 10 pm her time. This wasn’t a job to her; she genuinely cared. She also arranged an appointment with our fertility doctor, Dr Russell Foulk, for later that week.

Having the next step helps you move forward

Organising appointments was one of the few things that felt within my control. When we spoke to Dr Foulk, we learned that the miscarriage was caused by a subchorionic haematoma – a blood clot formed by an abnormal collection of blood between the placenta and the uterine wall.

It’s incredibly frustrating because it can’t be prevented or treated. Many women with subchorionic haematomas go on to have healthy pregnancies. But occasionally, the clot grows and can cause miscarriage, preterm labour, or placental abruptions. In our case, the haematoma grew and cut off the placenta’s supply to our baby.

Our miracle baby

We had one last IVF transfer in our surrogacy contract. Typically, a surrogacy contract includes three transfers. Leigha could have walked away at that point – but she was determined to help us have a family.

We were cautiously optimistic. We transferred our last embryo, and nine months later, our beautiful son Spencer was born.