Thinking about international surrogacy? Here’s what to expect

I still remember the moment our second fertility specialist in Australia told us that surrogacy was our best chance of having a baby. After six years of infertility, several failed and cancelled IVF cycles (due to my thin endometrium lining), and two pregnancy losses, I felt like the ground had shifted beneath me. I had also never met a surrogate, or anyone who’d had children through surrogacy, and I didn’t know what to expect. And while it felt overwhelming at first, surrogacy was an amazing and life changing experience. Because without surrogacy, we wouldn’t have our beautiful son.

Starting the surrogacy path

Once we accepted that surrogacy was our next step, we began researching international options. We spoke with several agencies in the United States. We chose a boutique agency because we instantly connected with the owner and appreciated how hands‑on she was. She guided us through everything — matching us with a surrogate, recommending IVF clinics and lawyers, and helping us understand the logistical, and also emotional, components.

When she sent us two surrogate profiles, I remember feeling a mix of excitement and fear. We Skyped with one of them, Leigha, and within minutes, the anxiety melted away. Talking to Leigha felt like catching up with an old friend. She and her husband Josh were warm and kind and put us at ease right away. That first conversation set the tone for everything that followed.

Building a relationship across the world

Because we were doing international surrogacy, and Australia to the USA is a long way, communication was so important. Early on, we talked openly about what kind of relationship we wanted. We all agreed we wanted a genuine and ongoing friendship, not just a transactional arrangement. Six years later, that bond is still strong.

We also discussed how we’d stay in touch during the pregnancy. Leigha is a wonderful communicator, and not a single day went by without her sending updates through WhatsApp or Marco Polo. We also Skyped into every appointment and scan. One of my favourite memories is when Leigha suggested we record ourselves reading a children’s story so she could play it to her belly each day. Knowing Spencer was hearing our voices before he was even born meant the world to us.

Navigating the practical steps

Alongside the emotional journey, there were many practical steps. We worked with a fertility lawyer who helped us navigate contracts, escrow accounts, and the pre‑birth order — a legal document in the USA that recognises intended parents before the baby is born. We transported our embryos from Australia and worked with the Utah Fertility Center for the IVF transfer. We did the screening process that involved blood tests and medical checks. Finally, we all had mandatory counselling which proved invaluable as we talked through to what expect and anything that was on our minds.

Our first transfer failed. The second resulted in a pregnancy, but we lost our baby around nine weeks due to a sub‑chronic haematoma. It was devastating. Leigha could have walked away at this point, but she was determined to help us. A true angel. Our third transfer (and final one in our contract) worked and nine months later, our rainbow baby was born.

The birth of our son

We travelled to Utah for the birth and had adjoining rooms at the hospital. We had all agreed beforehand that we would be in the delivery room, that my husband Ryan would cut the cord, and that I would have the first skin on skin contact. When Spencer was born, the room filled with tears — relief, gratitude, and so much joy. It was one of the most profound moments of our lives.

The night before we flew home, Leigha gave us a scrapbook she had made documenting our entire journey. From the embryo transfer to the positive pregnancy test to the day Spencer arrived, it was all in there. It remains one of my most treasured possessions. We gave her a necklace engraved with Spencer’s initials, a small symbol of our gratitude for the enormous gift she had given us.

Coming home

Three weeks after Spencer’s birth, we returned to Australia. With the help of our lawyer, we secured his USA passport and citizenship, and once home, we completed the process for his Australian citizenship and passport. Everything went smoothly.

Surrogacy gave us our son. It gave us a family. If you’re considering surrogacy and feeling overwhelmed, I understand. I was there too. But I also know how beautiful and life‑changing the journey can be.