The Most Common Infertility Misconceptions

Infertility is a reproductive disease. It’s a medical condition that impacts millions worldwide. And yet, infertility is often suffered in silence and frequently misunderstood. While it’s made traction in recent years, there’s still not enough awareness of infertility and there are many misconceptions.

Here’s some common infertility misconceptions. And how to debunk them.

1. Infertility Only Happens as You Age

There are several causes of infertility. Whether it’s endometriosis, male infertility, the endometrium lining, PCOS…. the list goes on and on. And while your egg reserve does start to diminish as you age, women of all ages experience infertility.

We started trying to conceive in our early thirties. The Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) blood test – the level of AMH in your blood helps predict approximately how many eggs you have left – showed I had a healthy egg reserve. But I have a thin endometrium lining. A thin endometrium lining isn’t due to your age; it’s often genetic and difficult to treat. Our son was born through gestational surrogacy after years of failed IVF cycles and pregnancy losses, due to my thin endometrium lining.

2. Infertility Is Mainly a Female Issue

Many people assume infertility is only a female issue. It isn’t. In fact, 40% of infertility is attributed to male infertility. Fifty per-cent is female and the remaining 10% is a mix of male and female. Sadly, there’s still a stigma with male infertility. It’s not uncommon for men to feel ashamed or emasculated. Despite being almost half of infertility cases, not enough men talk about it which explains why so many people still assume infertility is a female issue.

3. Stress Causes Infertility

Anyone going through infertility has heard the phrase “You just need to relax.” Along with, “You just need a holiday” or “It will happen when you stop thinking about it.” Comments like these are hurtful and ridiculous. If only falling pregnant was as simple as relaxing or taking a holiday. A lot more awareness is needed to debunk this myth. Infertility is a medical condition. Relaxing is NOT a medical cure.

4. Women Can’t Get Pregnant After 35

While it’s true that fertility does start to decrease with age, there isn’t a ‘fertility cliff’ that women suddenly fall off at 35. Yes, there is a steeper decline at 38, and again at 40, but there’s no sharp and sudden fall. There are also many options available today to have a family such as surrogacy, egg donation and sperm donation.

5. Being Fit and Healthy Guarantees Conception

Many people fall pregnant easily, regardless of their health. I’ve known some of the healthiest and fittest people who have struggled to conceive. Many of us do try to be in our best physical and mental shape however to help build our resilience and cope better.   

6. Having One Child Means No Fertility Issues Later

For approximately 1 in every 10 women, this sadly isn’t true. Known as secondary infertility, it’s when you can’t get pregnant, or carry a baby to term, after you’ve been pregnant before and had a baby without any issues.  

7. IVF Guarantees a Baby

I remember when we first considered fertility treatment, a friend of mine said, “Just do IVF if you want to have a baby.” Problem solved! I went into my first round of IVF expecting to be a pregnant a month later. But for us, it took six years, and gestational surrogacy, to have our son. I later learned that for most people, IVF rarely works on the first try so it’s helpful to set your expectations before you begin fertility treatment.

Understanding and debunking infertility misconceptions is key to breaking the stigma. By staying fully informed and truly understanding the process, individuals and couples can make empowered choices and create an easier path to parenthood with the right support and options available.

*As featured in IVF babble.

Genetically Testing your Embryos

“Fifty per cent. That’s roughly how many miscarriages are due to chromosome abnormalities.” I was shocked when our IVF specialist told us this. Fifty per cent is a huge number. But then he said, “We can test your embryos and only transfer any embryos that don’t have abnormalities.” Now he had my full attention.

We were onto our second IVF specialist in Australia. After several failed, and cancelled, IVF transfers, due to my thin endometrium lining, we had decided to get a second opinion. It was at this appointment that he hit us with the hard truth: thin linings are rare, usually genetic, and often difficult to treat. And that our strongest chance of having a baby was through gestational surrogacy. It was a lot to take in. He then mentioned Preimplantation Genetic Testing (PGT-A). In fact, he was blunt, “I refuse to treat a patient who doesn’t genetically test their embryos, so it’s up to you on whether you want to continue seeing me.” He promptly explained what PGT-A is and why it’s so important. Within five minutes, he had convinced us.

What is Preimplantation Genetic Testing (PGT-A)?

It’s a scientific technique, an embryonic procedure, which looks at the chromosomes inside the cells of an embryo. A normal embryo contains 23 pairs of chromosomes, for a total of 46 chromosomes – 23 from the sperm and 23 from the egg. Embryos with more, or less, than 46 chromosomes can cause IVF transfers to fail, or can cause pregnancy loss. By identifying the best embryo for an IVF transfer, PGT-A can increase the live birth rate per IVF transfer.

Today it’s considered standard practice. Several IVF clinics worldwide offer PGT-A, also known as PGS. And for good reason. Many IVF specialists say that the chances of achieving a successful pregnancy can increase – while miscarriage can significantly decrease – with having PGT-A. And while anyone can choose to do PGT-A, it’s especially recommended for females over thirty-five years old. As a woman ages, the percentage of abnormal eggs they produce increases.

PGT-A can also screen for gender

If an embryo has XX sex chromosomes, it’s a female. If it has XY chromosomes, it’s a male. For us, selecting the gender wasn’t an option. Even though our surrogacy transfers were in the USA, through the Utah Fertility Center, our embryos were created in Australia where it’s illegal to know the gender. It’s also illegal in Canada and the UK. But it is legal in some countries like the USA, where it’s become quite popular to select the gender.

PGT-M testing

While not as common as PGT-A, PGT-M tests for gene defects. It’s usually recommended for patients who are at high risk of having a child with a specific genetic disease like cystic fibrosis and Huntington’s disease. In fact, PGT-M can screen for more than 350 common and rare genetic conditions.

PGT-SR testing

The final genetic screening test available is PGT-SR. Also known as PGD, this test screens for unbalanced chromosome rearrangements. What does this mean? Some people have the correct number of chromosomes but in a slightly different arrangement. This means they have a higher chance of passing on an unbalanced amount of chromosome information to their children which can lead to miscarriage, or the birth of a child with health and development issues.

Today, many patients are choosing to do genetic testing. I know during our infertility journey, doing PGT-A, and only transferring the euploid (normal) ones, gave us greater confidence and hope of having a successful pregnancy. And as we had suffered three heartbreaking pregnancy losses, knowing there was a way to help reduce miscarriage, was also very comforting.

I shudder to think how much time, and money, (not to mention heartache) we would have wasted if we had continued transferring abnormal embryos. With so much of infertility outside your control, it’s reassuring to know you have choice to help decrease your risk of miscarriage and increase your chance of a successful and healthy pregnancy.

It's OK to feel jealous

A friend called me in tears today. She told me “yet another friend” had announced their pregnancy. She’s been doing IVF for years, but her friend conceived quickly and easily. “It’s not fair,” she cried. “It only took her a couple of months.”

I understood instantly. Before we were pregnant with our son (born through gestational surrogacy), pregnancy announcements felt like emotional landmines.

Whether from colleagues, relatives, or friends, they came constantly. One Christmas, four of my close friends were all due with their second child—after starting their family journeys much later than we had. It felt cruel, and I couldn’t help but wonder: When will it be our turn?

The Emotional Rollercoaster of IVF and Infertility

Infertility is all-consuming. Hearing pregnancy news can trigger sadness, jealousy, anger, and hopelessness. As someone going through IVF treatment, I often felt a mix of emotions: happy for my friends but devastated for myself.

Even simple activities, like going to the supermarket, became overwhelming because everywhere I looked I saw glowing bumps and babies. After a pregnancy loss, I stopped shopping in person altogether—it was just too painful.

Practical Coping Strategies for IVF and TTC Anxiety

Here’s what helped me during those difficult times:

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Your emotions are valid. It’s OK to not be OK.

Accept That Feelings Can Coexist

You can be genuinely happy for your friend while feeling grief for yourself. Both are real, both matter.

Allow Yourself to Cry

A good cry can be deeply therapeutic and help release emotional tension.

Talk It Out

Share how you’re feeling with someone who understands—whether it’s a fellow IVF warrior, the TTC community, a fertility coach, or a counselor.

Prioritize Self-Care

Walks, massages, binge-watching a show, or anything that feels nurturing can help restore balance.

Try Meditation

Apps like Calm or Smiling Mind, or resources such as Alice Rose’s meditation for pregnancy announcements, can help ease stress.

Limit Social Media

During the hardest points in my IVF and surrogacy journey, I deactivated Facebook to avoid the flood of pregnancy updates. Even reducing Instagram use made a big difference.

Be Gentle With Yourself

If you’re struggling with pregnancy announcements while navigating infertility or IVF, please remember: your feelings are human and completely valid. You are facing something incredibly hard and unfair.

Be kind to yourself. Allow space for your emotions. And know that you’re not alone.

*as featured in IVF babble